I’ve had a couple of “flat” “eugh” days this week. I don’t know whether it’s because I haven’t any events booked this week, because I’m feeling a bit poorly (damn labyrinthitis returning) or because I’ve had a few knocks in business (no, biggie, just a few “nos” from a few people). Whatever makes me feel like this now & again, I’ve come to the conclusion that I MUST give myself a break sometimes.
Anyone who is self-employed, I’m sure, knows this feeling well. The end of the long-day “I’m just gonna get an office job” strop. “I want to go to work, do my job & come home” moan. Actually, this was the exact moan I had about teaching – so I guess it’s not just self-employment that brings it on.
Do I work hard enough?
I don’t know why, but I have a complex about hard work. I think it may stem from the parental naggings of teenage years with the constant quipping of “bone-idle, you are”. Not that I’m saying I was constantly called lazy, indeed I see teenagers now who simply have NO idea of what hard work is! But I guess I liked my sleep – and actually I still do.
I don’t handle early mornings well. I’m usually narky until at least 8:30am and forcing that jolly “Good morning” and fake grin was one of the hardest parts of facing a class every morning (especially when three parents were waiting to speak to me at the door too!) So now I’m self-employed, if it’s an admin day, I get up probably quite late compared to others (I’m talking 8am, not 11am, by the way!)
This is what I have to continually ask myself. So what? Every day I work til around 10pm. I don’t even take an hour out to read a magazine or watch TV. I simply can’t JUST watch TV anymore! Never do I have a “lunch break” where I can turn the computer off and have a chat with my colleagues. Sometimes I think this is the root of my gloomy days. Working on your own all day can take its toll and then the insular side of me really kicks in & I’ll avoid telephone calls from family & friends because I can’t be bothered with small talk (I’m aware this is making me sound like a total self-pitying nightmare). It’s just the effort of switching from business Karen to wife, friend, daughter, auntie Karen is hard sometimes.
So, does it really matter that I get up an hour after other people? No. Does it matter that someone knocked me back for a submission, or that I lost 3 followers on Twitter? Not really. Not in the long-run.
The lovely Peta from www.petasvintageboutique.com tweeted a quote the other day which I NEED to have pinned up in my house.
Keep on, keeping on
Then something normally happens to slap me out of the gloom. It’s sometimes a lovely message from a friend, a tragedy on the news or simply a good night’s sleep. Any of those will normally do it. And a night out. I realised yesterday I haven’t had a really good night out for months. Tonight, that is being rectified. I’m meeting up with my old teacher mates and I know that after a few minutes of them moaning about the boss and the stupid education system will make me feel loads better about self-employment!